BreakThrough is Beautifully Nurturing
In a difficult-to-see way, BreakThrough is the most nurturing thing I've done for myself in my life. You may find other ways that suit you better, or maybe BreakThrough isn't for you right now, or ever. If it is, over time, you will find it is a rare and precious gem hidden under a pile of jagged rocks. The jagged rocks that look to be protecting us, the little white lies told daily and the big black ones told now and then are keeping us from loving this life. I find gems daily now, hidden among the piles and piles of rocks. BreakThrough is not the answer to life but it has taught me that living life is the answer to life.
The concepts upon which it stands are truths that are self-evident. The principles are given to quietly disclosing limitless joyful, honest living and real feeling. Decisions made from that place, and experiences felt from that place have an realness that cannot be felt when blaming the other is the recipe for living.
When I first took BreakThrough, in the days when Esther and John taught it together, I left the class early and took a carload of people along with me. I was impressed with John and Esther's knowledge, but I wasn't that impressed with BreakThrough itself. It didn't seem gentle enough to me when my view of the world was that it was a bit harsh and needed softening.
Because BodyTalk had eliminated my two-year-old tennis elbow, and John and Esther were encouraging BreakThrough, I thought I would try it with a group in our little town once a week for a year.
In the beginning, it was uncomfortable because I made it that way. I didn't like it at all. I felt too vulnerable and I often didn't tell the truth.
Then I started looking at what was really uncomfortable. I realized it was uncomfortable to hide myself, to look forward to sleeping and blocking out the day only to find that my mind was too busy to sleep well. It was uncomfortable to wake up with a small jolt of fear. I did not want to face the day and whatever troubles it held. It was uncomfortable to make myself so busy that I couldn't see who my kids really were, never mind myself. It was uncomfortable to realize that I didn't belly-laugh much anymore. Or to realize that I never had a lot of fun. It was uncomfortable to see that I was educating my children to behave just like me. It was uncomfortable to pretend to like people. It was uncomfortable to pretend I wasn't upset. It was uncomfortable to show my feelings and it was uncomfortable to hide my feelings.
I learned that when I was being led through the steps, the others, from whom I was awaiting judgment, understood and related to me and my experiences and reached out to me for being honest. I learned that when I wasn't honest and was pretending that nothing was wrong, or that the problems would go away by themselves, that no one would relate to me so I would have no really close friends. They would say they never really knew me. I was alone.
I learned that if I was honest with myself, everything I accused the other of being, was exactly how I was behaving, and that it was not bad. It was just honest. I learned that this work is the science of the mind presented in an extraordinary way that shows how kind the universe is.
I learned that I was human and could be flawed and even find this state of humanness a bit funny. I could laugh at myself.
I learned that I have never not been supported and that I can always find the support if I look. I learned that the worst moments turned into the greatest blessings. In that way, I learned that conflict was healing. I learned that when fear melts away, all that is left is gratitude.
I learned there was another way to live. I told my kids the truth. I told my friends the truth. I told my enemies the truth. I told myself the truth. It didn't hurt, it healed. It healed patterns that have run long and deep in my family and I know now to bow to the hurt and the healing for they are a seamless bridge from the unconscious mind to the conscious mind.
I learned that the truth can only be a statement about me. It cannot include the other.
I learned that I am not immune, nor can I make myself immune to life.
I learned that others are essential to me and that I can ask for help.
I learned that I have such strength inside of me that there is nothing that I cannot withstand, and that all humans have endured and will continue to endure so we can consciously evolve into living every moment from that moment; a place where there is nothing to endure.
I learned that I love myself so deeply that as soon as I turn away from one mirror, I will show myself another. I am trigger happy and will not let myself rest in the stories that cause me unhappiness and hide my true and beautiful natural self.
I learned that BreakThrough is gentle. I learned that the harshness is in not looking at myself so that I can love myself.
I learned that I don't know anything at all.
I learned to live.
Thank you, Esther.