Finding Healing Through Sexuality

Mar 23, 2022

By Dr. Lauren Brim

Please note that this email discusses sexuality and uses proper sexual and anatomical terminology to highlight a special series of group sessions the IBA is offering in partnership with Dr. Lauren Brim. Please pause and decide whether or not you wish to continue reading.

What is healthy sexuality? It's a question maybe you've never asked yourself. In a society where sexuality is rarely spoken about, even in marriages, close friendships, or between parents and their children, most people do not know what sexual health looks like. We might have a sense of what pathology is. We assume it's not good never to want sex with our partner, we sense how it feels to have shame about our bodies and desires, and we have all seen lives ruined in the media from sexual choices that have hurt others. Perhaps you have had some dis-ease with your penis, prostate, vulva, uterus, or breasts? Maybe you've worried if your thoughts around sex are normal? Or perhaps you have found it difficult to voice what you like, what you want, and very importantly, what you don't like, even with your partner? Most of us have. But is sexual health only avoiding what we don't want in sex?

While Western medicine often focuses on what's wrong with the body, true wellness requires that we focus on vitality. What image comes to mind when you picture a sexually vital male or female? Have you ever stopped to imagine what vibrant sexual health looks like for you, regardless of whether or not you are currently sexually active? How much vitality is possible? How much pleasure (in any aspect of your life) is possible? What would your relationship with your body be like if it was more vital? Maybe you've questioned if sexuality is even important or wondered if sexual vibrancy matters. Well, I can assure you that it does. Sexuality is built into our very structure, our physiology, and the continuance of our species. It influences us from birth until death. Our sexual health is important. And as a sexual coach and researcher of human sexuality, I would love to outline what sexual vitality truly is.

The body. Imagine feeling completely present in your body, enjoying your senses, and having a great affinity for what you see in the mirror. Imagine feeling love for your physical body, as if he/she was your own child, no matter how fat or thin or what shape, color or tone you are. Imagine feeling pleasure from every inch of that body and feeling safe to lean into pleasure when offered or available to you. Imagine feeling free to be naked, feeling wild and uninhibited, whether the lights are on or off, and whether you are naked or clothed. Imagine having blood easily and naturally flow to your genitals, ensuring their adaptability, responsiveness, and the health of the entire pelvis. Imagine a healthy menstrual cycle, good erectile function, a healthy sleep cycle, and robust immunity from sexual vitality and a healthy nervous and endocrine system. Imagine skin that glows and posture that is tall, open and expansive with confidence and pleasure in being you!

Your desires. Imagine that you are confident in what you desire and comfortable communicating those desires to others. Imagine that you could honor and enjoy feelings of arousal that may arise in your day. Imagine that you can share your desires with your partner and strengthen your connection by sharing these intimate and vulnerable parts of yourself. Imagine that you allow yourself to open to the fullest potential of sex, feeling everything possible from the senses and the spiritual realm. Imagine there is no fear around your desire, and your desire is a part of you, a friend, and something with which you can dance and play. You allow desire to guide you in more exploration of yourself and your partner and to know more about yourself and life through a desire-filled life.

Your relationship. Imagine that you are authentic with your partner. You communicate from your heart and not your head. You have no compulsion to manipulate because you can confidently ask for what you want and need. You can also hear your partner and their needs, and you work together to create solutions and situations where both partners can get what feels right for them. You feel genuine attraction and desire for your partner and can communicate that. You are connected to the creative energy of your sexuality. You can allow that sexuality to support and influence all aspects of your relationship, inside the bedroom and out. You continue to discover new aspects of yourself through interactions with your partner. You feel safe in your partnership and can be honest, express your passion and pleasure, and give and receive pleasure generously. You are both in tune with your sexuality, which is fun, exciting, and safe. 

Your sex. Imagine you are not ashamed of your genitals but feel tenderness and love toward their unique expression. Imagine that sex is an expression of health, connection, and play, and an integrated part of your identity. Imagine you feel comfortable in your body as a man or a woman and can accept your inclinations of attraction. Imagine that you feel at ease and confident in how you have sex, from your movements, to how you touch and are touched to the sounds or words you express. You are comfortable with your sexuality. It is natural for you. There is nothing to hide.

This is how I define sexual vitality and health. Would you like to discover healthy sexuality? Or are you interested in helping your clients, partner, friends or children as a sexually embodied practitioner, partner and friend? Let's do it together in my group session series on PaRama Campus on Healthy Sexuality. We'll use BodyTalk to dive deep into what's holding you back from vibrant sexual health! Register using the link below. 

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