Feb 18, 2011

By Submitted by Brenda Miller

"I hate my father. There is nothing that will change that. Ever. I just wanted to say that."

The group that had come together to take the BreakThrough 1 seminar was silenced by the forceful words and raw feelings. The woman who had spoken them, vibrated with hurt and defiance. There was nothing to say in response that wouldn't be a platitude uttered to make the rest of us feel better, and, at the same time, dismiss her pain. It was one of those moments when words fall short of the mark and you can do nothing but feel it, and wonder how it is that life seems to hurt so much sometimes.

She was nine years old when she woke up one morning, an innocent child, and by the end of the day, experienced such deep hatred that it would be kept alive in her for over fifty years. Her father, a drugged-up angry alcoholic, on that terrifying day, sexually abused her and then threw her over the balcony onto the dirt below, where she lay stunned and trapped. Her mother came out and told her she better get up or he'd do it again. She couldn't get up; both of her collarbones were broken. On that day she didn't only lose her innocence, she lost sight of love, security, hope, and trust.

Some things feel too terrible to understand. There was nothing to do except hear her, and do the BreakThrough Steps.

During the Steps she answered the questions and her answers brought her a realization that transformed and softened the lines that had etched out the hatred she felt for her father. She said to the class, "I don't know what just happened but I feel different. I don't feel the hatred. I don't hate my father anymore." We can't change that the event happened, but how we feel about it changes and the very conflict that hurts us so, heals us when we put it through the 7 Steps.

During the BreakThrough, she revealed that after that experience, she was taken from her home and moved across the country to live in a school with nuns. She learned that you could be mad and not hit. She found a friend who thought outside of the box just like she did. She learned to play a musical instrument and was good enough to play on stage. She got a degree.

Life is about how we feel; how we feel about others, self, experiences, everything. When we hurt, it contorts our minds and bodies, and life seems hard. When we examine our lives through BreakThrough, when we work with our conflicts, no matter how ugly or pain-filled they feel, we begin to take our own steps through life and stop blindly following the same unconscious patterns those before us have taken. People act out their beliefs, it can be no other way.

BreakThrough, or any other form of self-inquiry, gives us freedom.

This story is why I do this work. Conflict is a veiled gold mine. Most of us put a lot of effort into avoiding conflict, but if you look at your life, you'll notice it is impossible to avoid. If conflict is used, we find it is a signpost to the centre. BreakThrough is transformational because 'seeing is transforming'. Sometimes BreakThrough is baby steps towards love and sometimes it is giant joyful leaps. Either way, the love is ours to uncover.

She did. She's doing what she loves. She's studying again. She broke the mold. She realized that if she hadn't had that experience, today she would be a prostitute on drugs, like the rest of her family. That horrible day changed her life forever. True to the irony that life sometimes is, it gave her life. That was her experience during the Steps, to understand the event differently. In the process, the hate fell away.

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